💰 OpenAI just flexed $300B — bigger than McDonald’s and Reliance

☀️ Midweek Masalaaaaaa. Hello!

Happy Wednesday, readers! If you survived April Fools' Day without a prank or a portfolio panic, congrats—you’ve earned your chai ☕. But the markets? Oof, they were not playing. Let’s get into the madness and the magic of midweek headlines.

🫖 Chai Shots

• 🧠 OpenAI is now worth more than McDonald's, Salesforce, and Reliance – The ChatGPT maker raised a record-shattering $40 billion, bumping its valuation to $300 billion. That puts it ahead of legacy giants, in terms of market cap. More in today’s Big Brew👇

• 🚗 Maruti’s WagonR zooms ahead – The humble hatchback clinched the title of India’s top-selling car in FY25 with over 2 lakh units sold, leaving SUV rivals like Tata Punch eating its dust.

• 📱 UPI sets a blazing March record – India’s payment beast hit ₹25 lakh crore in transactions across 1,830 crore payments. That’s 6,800 UPI hits per second, folks!

• 🍽️ Swiggy hit with ₹158 Cr tax demand – The taxman came knocking over 2022 dues tied to cancellation charges and interest income. Swiggy’s appeal is on the way.

📈 Market Masala

• 📉 Worst start to FY26 since 2020 – Sensex plunged 1,391 points and Nifty dropped below 23,200, driven by Trump’s looming tariffs and IT sector jitters. Media stocks held on, but everything else bled red.

• 💻 Tech tumble – HCL Tech and Infosys led the IT pack down, dropping nearly 4%. Traders are spooked by declining U.S. demand and weak Q4 projections.

• 🟡 Gold hits lifetime high – MCX gold futures soared past ₹91,000/10g, driven by global volatility. Silver stayed solid too, above ₹1L/kg.

• 📶 Vodafone Idea climbs 20% – Vi shares hit upper circuit as the government converted ₹36,950 crore of dues into equity, hiking its stake to 48.99%. That’s one way to lighten your debt load!

• 🧾 ₹2,000 note makes a quiet exit – RBI said 97.76% of the withdrawn ₹2,000 notes—worth ₹3.62 lakh crore—are back in the system. Time to stop checking your old jeans for hidden cash.

🌍 Global Masala

• 📈 Markets jittery as Trump’s tariff D-day nears – The S&P 500 climbed 0.4% and Nasdaq jumped 0.8%, while the Dow barely budged as Wall Street braced for President Trump’s “Liberation Day” tariff blitz. Investors are on edge amid speculation of sweeping 20% reciprocal tariffs, with fears mounting over stagflation, slowing growth, and global retaliation. Gold soared to a record high, while manufacturing data showed early signs of strain.

• 🪙 Dollar stands still – Currency traders held their breath ahead of Trump’s big move. The dollar barely budged, waiting for fireworks—or fallout.

• 📉 Boeing CEO: “We messed up” – Boeing’s leadership admitted to major quality lapses amid deepening scrutiny from regulators. A full reset is underway.

☕ The Big Brew 💰OpenAI Joins the $300B Club — And Then Some

OpenAI just raised a mind-blowing $40 billion, catapulting its valuation to $300 billion — making it the largest private tech funding round ever, and placing it just behind SpaceX in the global rankings of private companies.

• 💸 SoftBank led the round with a massive $30B cheque, joined by Microsoft, Thrive, Coatue & Altimeter.

• 🔁 The deal includes $10B upfront and $30B more by end-2025 — but only if OpenAI restructures fully into a for-profit by Dec 31.

• 🛰️ Much of the capital is going to Stargate, a $500B AI megaproject backed by SoftBank, Oracle, and OpenAI.

• 📈 ChatGPT’s growth is bonkers — 500M weekly users, up from 400M last month. OpenAI now expects $12.7B in revenue this year — triple from 2024.

• 👔 CEO Sam Altman is stepping back from operations to focus more on research and product, while COO Brad Lightcap takes charge of day-to-day business.

🤔 What does this mean?

OpenAI is no longer just an AI lab — it’s a global AI superpower. With this war chest, it's poised to dominate the race for “AI agents” and enterprise AI tools. The pressure to go full for-profit could also reshape how mission-driven startups operate at scale. And for India? Expect more AI-driven innovations, products, and jobs to be born — or disrupted — faster than ever.

🚀 Startup Scoop

• 🧋 Boba Bhai’s bubble boom – The QSR brand saw revenues surge 6X to ₹30 Cr in FY25. With 50+ stores and presence on Blinkit, they’re targeting ₹100 Cr revenue next year and expansion into cities like Pune and Jaipur.

• 📚 CollegeDekho raises ₹30 Cr – The edtech player will boost its tech and ops with fresh funding from Lighthouse Canton. It’s already helped 2 lakh students find the right college and aims to scale big for admissions season.

• 🤖 Chef Robotics cooks up $43M – This U.S.-based startup led by Indian founder Rajat Bhageria raised $20.6M equity + $22.5M debt to scale its AI-driven meal assembly bots. Already dishing out over 40 million meals.

• 👕 The Bear House gets ₹50 Cr – JM Financial’s PE arm is backing this Bengaluru-based men’s fashion brand to scale offline, boost marketing, and become India’s go-to for stylish workwear.

• 📉 Jar’s $50M deal evaporates – The fintech startup’s fundraising talks fell apart over a valuation mismatch and co-founder share sale plans. Valuations are under the microscope in 2025’s cautious climate.

• 🤖 Wendor scores ₹21 Cr – The AI-powered vending machine company secured funding from Elanpro to expand across India and enter Middle East & SEA markets. Camera-based product detection? Very Black Mirror.

🔮 What’s Brewing Next?

• 🛣️ Toll hike alert – NHAI tolls are up 4-5% from April 1. From Delhi-Meerut to Mumbai-Nashik, road trips just got pricier.

🧠 Chai Break Trivia

Did you know 🐙 an octopus has three hearts, and two of them actually stop beating when it swims?

Yep, swimming stresses them out. So technically, an octopus is more chill walking than swimming. Mood, right?

👋 Until Next Brew...

That’s a wrap for your Wednesday sip of headlines, hype, and hot takes. Whether you're investing in AI or just investing in another bubble tea run (we see you, Boba Bhai fans), remember: markets may dip, but your chai should always stay strong ☕

If you enjoyed today’s blend, share Masala Chai with a friend who still thinks OpenAI is just a nerdy club.